Oklahoma

I was thinking about my old friend in Oklahoma today. How we would talk and have lots of laughs on the phone when I was in High School. I lost touch with them after college. But I pray that they are ok.

Events like these always remind me that life will always bring things that are unexpected. More so, that we are to live life, enjoy it and be thankful for what we have. For those that survived, I'm thankful that they are able to breath. Please help the people that are helping with a generous gift.

If you or anyone your know were affected by these events please call for help: 

2-1-1 Helpline (Oklahoma)
Call 2-1-1 from your service area
(877) 362-1606 Alternative Number
(405) 840-9396 Alternative Number
http://heartlineoklahoma.org/

United Way of Central Oklahoma
Phone: (405) 236-8441
http://www.unitedwayokc.org/
 
American Red Cross (Central and Western Oklahoma Region)
Phone: (405) 228-9500
http://www.redcross.org/ok/oklahoma-city
Find other local Red Crosses by visiting http://www.redcross.org/cgi-bin/chapts-new.asp

 
Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management
Local: (405) 521-2481, Monday through Friday 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 pm
http://www.ok.gov/OEM/
 
The Salvation Army Central Oklahoma Area Command
Phone: (405) 246-1060

God Bless everyone, Jes Sofia Valle, MA MFTI

Grief & Loss

Losing someone I've noticed has been very hard in this lifetime. We miss the essence of the person, the moments spent and we morn the future we hoped with the person. We will no longer see them.

Something I've also learned is the grieving of the person has different stages in life. Why am I writing about this? Well, we have had a loss in my family and recently a few losses in this country and its hard. But more so, to actually have knowledge of what you are going through when you loose someone also helps. These feelings are called the stages of grief. The reason why this is good to know because it helps you understand and it takes away the feeling that your are going "crazy" when all you are doing is grieving. 

Now Before I tell you about these stages I must tell you that there are more ways to feel grief, its not just because you loose someone. This happens when you loose a friend, when you break up with someone, and I'm going to be true to my personality right now... moving up in the world.


There are 5 stages most human go through when they morn someone.

1 Denial	It’s a defense mechanism and perfectly natural.
2  Anger	Anger can be seen in many forms ways. This all depends on a person, it can range from not saying anything to hurting themselves, to hurting other. Or Isolating. Everyone deals with sadness in their own way.
3 Bargaining	Asking God to bring them back. This is where a person ask for their loved one back. They beg God to bring them back or they even try to bargain their pain to go away.
4 Depression	Depression is actually a clump of symptoms (sadness, not being able to eat or sleep, weight gain, loss, anger, isolation, loss of  concentration, feeling hopeless and helpless, can't control negative thinking, irritable, short-tempenred, reckless behavior, thoughts of not worth living). Note: This can be different for children.
5 – Acceptance	Some emotional detachment and objectivity. This can happen before or after someone has gone out of your life.

One of the biggest things that you have to remember is that everyone lives and dies. Death is not something that we can avoid. HOWEVER, life and LIVING is something you can ENJOY.  

Life is a piece of cake. Making the cake has a process. Going through this will help you get through.

Smile (If you want) 

Jes Sofia 

"Sit at the Table." @SherylSandberg.

 

I was listening to Sheryl Sandberg and became even more Inspired! I love what I do already! I now have another Goal to add... Meet and Sit at the Table with @SherylSandberg.

 This is why:

 

  

Be Empowered. Be happy. Do what you love to do!

 

 

Smile (if you want)

 

Jes Sofia

How to Lose Weight: The real Math...Jes' Thoughts

So yesterday I so happen to be at the LEAD Summit in San Bernardino and Long and behold an awesome math teacher spoke about how Math is soooo important when it comes to education because it helps. Which is funny because an awesome person sent me this video a few days ago and I loved how this was explained. You see... I'm in the process of working on my core body so I can one day again play volleyball. I know... How can someone with a Degenerative Disc Disorder play volleyball?!!  Same question as how can someone who couldn't feel or walk with her legs... walk? Answer...one can jump hurdles when we place our minds to it.

Well, if I do it right and I tighten up my core I can at least play ever so often.

Any who,  I was looking at this last night again and I loved it. I found this Math explained video to be interesting... I got edumicated. It gave me a better understanding on how I can continue to work on my body, how to be patient and not expect rapid results. I'm working hard for me and it is awesome as I am expecting to be core strong soon enough. I am EXCITED!

So here you go... watch the video up top. It will give you a better perspective on how to lose weight the healthy way... all explained with good science...and math. :-)

Slowly but surely.

Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia

Mental Health, Personal Hygiene, Make-up & Style

There is something interesting about having a bad day, more interesting when that bad day can turn into a good day just because you spruced yourself up a little.

Hygiene

Personal hygiene is a frequent topic I ask when someone is sad, down, low… you name it. Why? Because usually when people are not taking care of their physical, they are not doing well inside either.  Have you had days where you just don’t want to shower and you want to stay on the couch because you are in a funk? That is what I am talking about… not always a good smelling thing eh?

You see, taking care of your personal hygiene is VERY important because It can help you feel good about yourself. It helps you not smell so others won’t look at your weird for smelling so bad, which helps decrease you feeling insecure. When you comb your hair and brush your teeth you are telling yourself that you are working to make yourself look good. You are showing yourself that you care about you. It is a habit that can happen.

Make-Up & Style

Dressing up can also help bring that bad day into a good day.  If you are a lady you can wear some make up (if you’re into that). Some Covergirl make-up can help with that along with some sweet mascara and some lipstick.

 

Ladies: You can dress up; use up your girl/woman card. Some cute bangles, some popping’ heals and your dreaded day becomes an “oh cool, this is cute day.”

Sometimes simple things are good for you. It helps bring back that smile, uplift you through feeling beautiful in and out.

Men:  Try a nice suit, or slacks and a button down. It’s nice to look good once in a while. If you’re in a job that doesn’t allow a button down, wear that smile and help increase that confidence.  You can always look good if you want to.

So Next time you are feeling low, sad or just in a funk, try sprucing yourself up! It doesn’t hurt, it can help.

Hope you have a beautiful day.

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia

 
 

When too much is too much

 

Looks like there are times where there is too much going on. We say yes to a lot and at the end of the day we need to learn to say NO. This yes thing in turn causes us stress. Did you know that stress can cause health issues? Stress is known to be associated with affecting your overall health.
Some issues that can come about stress are:

Mental health disorders, like depression and anxiety
High Blood Pressure
Obesity
Abnormal heart beats
Heart disease
High blood pressure
and other issues.

WHY can stress cause this?  Hormones. The body responds to stress by emitting stress hormones. All the flight or fight hormones come out and make things happen... stuff we don't want to happen (see list above).

So what can you do to help decrease this stress thing?

I can tell you from my experience what I have done:

You can say NO to things. Saying Yes to everything will take a toll.
You can make a few nights where you vegg. (I make these days Catching up with Books and DVR nights)
You can stop, sit and breath (in through your nose, out through your mouth)
You can exercises: YOGA!  #dailywalks
You can do things that make you happy. 
You can catch up and talk with your friend on the phone.
Go out with your friends.
You can write in your journal.
Massage...
Dude... the list is long.

The point is that you do things that don't cause you stress. If you are stressing over what to do to not have stress, then stop and just sit down and do nothing. Oooh Child! you need to relax before you get to the Wren & Stimpy pic. I hope this reminds you that its ok to sit and chill.

I'm off to chill more now.

Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia

Before the Guards come into schools: A STRONG suggestion

I’m all for helping our children be and feel safe. I am glad that there will be more safety with our children at their schools.

With that said. I have a few concerns.

One concern being that I have not heard how the children will be introduced to having gun-carrying guards at schools. You see, for many children having a cop, military or what not in the school is cool. However, as all children are wiser than adults sometimes, they pair armed guard with danger and their minds wonder.  How do I know, I work with them, and I’ve been asked about it already.

For many children, school is one of the safest places to be. They are young; they have no cares in the world, as children should feel safe and free.

So -- coming from the Child and Family Psychotherapist perspective here… Adding guards to a school may negatively and also positively influence a child’s innocence. I’m not saying that this is certain and it will happen. However, I am saying that there needs to be a plan in place where we prepare the children and their parents before the armed guards show up to the school for an extended stay.

Why?

This will allow the children to know what is going on. I know you hated not knowing what was going on and wondered why things where growing up…. Well guess what? Children now a day like to know too and feel the same way we did when they are not told things. Children are to be respected. You want the children to respect the armed guards? Then respect them; by informing the students and parents you will be doing so. Also, you may be able to decrease the anxiety some children may have due to seeing armed guards.

As for the long terms effects, educating children of the armed guards, letting them ask questions will allow for rapport to be built with the children and armed guards. This will help them feel even safer and know that the guards are there to protect them. Children will know who to go to in case of an emergency. We need the children to feel safe, not to wonder or obtain wrong information as to why they are “really” there. Children have a big imagination, I’m very sure they will make up stories, but having them hear the right answers will help decrease the fears and possible anxiety.

Telling children about the change will allow for more communication, less fear and less anxiety. Therefore, I do hope that a procedure of some sort is ready before implementing the guards. I hope this is given to the teachers, school psychologist, mental health therapist and so on… but most of all, to the parents. Because some parents don’t even know what is going on or how to talk to the children about what is going on, let alone, they having to explain it to the children as their children ask question.

Long term Concerns

There may be children who can be traumatized, and keeping in mind that this may also trigger teachers and staff. So it will be best to have a plan for the teachers and staff also.  I honestly can’t wait to hear it, so we can get this going ASAP.

Also, money wise, preparing will help with long lasting effects (trauma). If children are not prepared this might mean more teens in trouble and jail. Which means later down the line, more adults who have issues to deal and work through. But then again, that’s with almost everyone now a days…but if we can help prevent this, which would be great. My last concern would be what will be said in this plan, because we don’t want to scare the kids… So these are just something to think about.

These are some of my concerns. Overall, good job in keeping our children safe. We need it.

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia 

Note: this is my mind at work here...